“Well, I don’t think you deserve this role, you are not worth,” she said with a straight face, as if trying to hide a smile. She had been telling this to me for quite some time now, during those endless and senseless evaluation sessions, where she pointed out things and gave feedbacks that were irrelevant and vague.
Although I knew something was seriously wrong with her and not me, I (still) was shocked and in extreme agony thinking that the art of writing, that I have a gift of (I wrote my first poem when I was 11) and I have polished and mastered over years, was a point of question for someone. I was being indirectly told that I did not know how to write and that’s like listening to your death sentence.
Being in the profession of writing makes you a detailed thinker and gives you a ‘very strong inner voice’, and in this situation, mine was disturbing.
“Maybe she is right. Maybe having been in the industry for more years than me, she knows better,” ranted one part of me. When the conversation in my head started getting louder, negative and painful, I gathered myself and put out a sudden resignation. Not having expected that top management tried to stop me – but I have had enough. I left the company.
It has been quite some time since this episode and that resignation was one of best career decisions I ever made. Today, I have enough people who can vouch for me and my writing. I have done well in my career journey all through which I have been a WRITER.
Hence I know, and all of you should know, you are not worth – IS A LIE.
At times, you have to shut down even the most overpowering voices around you, the ones you think are right, and the ones who affirm and re-affirm you don’t deserve. No one knows YOU better than YOU YOURSELF. If what you do pleases you, keeps you motivated and happy – you are good at it!